Up until about six months ago, I hid the fact that I was an addict in recovery.
Being a mother and a drug addict in recovery tends to be frowned upon & I couldn't deal with the judgment I would inevitably receive. Keeping my recovery a secret led to a lot of other issues though. I was constantly feeling shame, every accomplishment was a secret and I felt like I wasn't allowed to be proud of myself. Always picking myself apart.
I wasn't the only mom that was going through this incredible struggle. I found a group of people that was able to appreciate what I was going through I started feeling better.
Being an IV heroin addict meant I spent a long time wounding my body, inside and out. Being a human pin cushion for so long caused some prominent scarring all over my body. Even in sobriety, I have endless reminders of what I did to myself.
These scars aren't the same as the stretch marks I earned whilst being pregnant. These scars weren't the same as the big scar from my c-sections recalling the beautiful births of my babies. These scars brought so much shame and guilt. They are the hardest scars to accept.
One of the reasons why I wanted to take these photos was because I knew I would be exposing so much more than just my body. The scars that remain from my addiction remind me how much I have overcome. How I have maintained my recovery and to treasure it. How I am able to be a present wife and mother because of my desire to be sober.
Being a mother of 3 girls it is so important to me that I show them to love yourself. Accept the ways you are different from others and embrace them. I want them to know that it's okay that I have scars on my body because even though some of the stories they tell are dark and sad, they are apart of me.
I want other mothers that are overcoming addiction to realize that they are not alone.
That the fact they are still here is huge, so many of us dont make it out alive. I want others to know that even though we have a past, we still have so much to offer and our lives arent over because of our addiction.
We are still capable of being remarkable mothers and have not lost our value.